The End

The night surrounded him like a mother's embrace, comforting him as he contemplated his next actions. How had it come to this and did he have the balls to end it? He stood on the bridge under the street lights, the tracks radiating from below him, he just needed to wait for the Liverpool to London express, climb the wall and let himself fall. In his head it would be a graceful fall, falling down like a leaf riding the breeze, should he put his arms out swan dive style? Or a full on bomb from the side of the pool?

He laughed, a nervous laugh, the laugh of a man knowing he wasn't fully committed to anything, not love, not life and least of all this, but he couldn't go back, wouldn't go back, had to do it, had to end it.

The train was coming.

Would he be missed? Of course he would, but there was no way out now, he had disappointed his parents, not that they knew, cheated on Maria, not that she knew, pissed away any friendship of note, apart from Paul, he could still be counted on, he'd understand wouldn't he?

It was getting closer.

He wedged the shining, chrome bmx against the wall, Maria had bought it for him last year, still grasping for his youth, not that eighteen was old, it'd make as good a step ladder as anything else and save him scuffing his knees as he clambered up the wall, that laugh again, worried about a graze at a time like this.

Closer.

Shit, he could almost see the driver, how would this effect him? He was probably just thinking about his dinner tonight, steak and chips, all the trimmings. But what if it was more than that, what if it destroyed him? The knowledge you'd killed someone, knowing there wasn't anything you could do about it but still the guilt. Did he care? Did he give a fuck?

The panic.

He couldn't do it. Wouldn't do it. He could be saved. There were people who would help him. Paul would help him. Call him, call him now. He fumbled in his jacket pocket, brought out his mobile, it jumped out of his hands. Grab it. Shit. Missed. Slipped. Shin scraping on the top of the wall. Sods law, just what he was trying to avoid. Flying. No, falling. Numbness.

Where was he? 

The train.

Paul. Paul. Paul!